a letter to my house and bed.

dear you,

i have to apologize.  i am sorry for my recent absense. and i am sorry for my abrupt leaving. i know that being home for only less than 24 hours inbetween isn't fair to you.  but thats just the way it is this summer.  now you be good while we're gone, especially be nice to Keedah.  he might get lonely with all of us being away. as for now, i bid you farewell until july. after my return we will have oodles of time to become reaquainted again. thank you for your patience.

sincerely, me


you anchor me back down.

it's a good song. perfect for a carnival themed post.
it's by mindy gledhill. you should look it up.

one question:



black & white?

this is me being positive.

somedays this is how it goes:
the first step of the 50 minute run seems like you've gone too far already.
and as you fall more and more behind, your breathing keeps wheezing.
but when you finally make it up to the canal you still have a mile or two to go before your only half way through the run.
but just when it seems like it's too hard to keep going. there's a moment. a moment of decision. only you can decide because there is no one else in sight. thats when you realize the scene in front of you is a painting that they make into puzzles.  not many people do what you were just experiencing. especially at this age. how many girls run xc at pg? about five and half. compared to the fifty or sixty on the soccer field this morning? big difference. but thats why you do it. because it's not the norm. it's higher than the average. so in the moment of decision. you decide self-discipline and endurance. you finish feeling good because of it. how was your run? it was hard. but thats why it was good. so from here on out, thats what it's gonna be. endurance till the finish. because that alone is above average. and thats just how i do.


life is good.

what a great week it's been.
especially when it ended with a bang.
let's just say strawberry days really is
the most wonderful time of the year.
i love carnivals. i love boys who protect me from carnies.
we had a great time.
i also love brothers. and when they take all the siblings
up to salt lake on a secret kids outing, and when we do secret things.
i love being all together again.
but you wanna know who also had a great time? me and her.
and all our FAIL at another night at the carnival. 
where a piece of me died inside.
and then when my best friend, sister, and our princess are in the parade,
it is that much more exciting.
the rodeo that night was so worth the hour and a half
it took to get my rodeo ensemble on.
and afterward was even better.
two birthday boys. $23 worth of shakes. her and her lovely new car.
jammin' in the high school parking lot at an hour of close to midnight.
definitley a highlight.
and then the next day is a whole different story.
it was an eventful day full of events.
two brothers. two talks. the appetizer and the main dish. 
though the appetizer did make me cry. and when i say cry i mean bawl,
the main dish sure was filling. i am stuffed.
and then the house hasn't been that bursting with family in years.
we took pictures. we ate pasta salads.
when i embarked on a different mission. i had the jitters. but the 3 months of top secret paid off big time. we are stoked. it was great time spent. i fit in. and i can't help but feel like there's a lot more
waiting in the future.
i sure hope so.
but it's not over yet.
the other sister's birthday and father's day was still to come.
we all laughed hard. because my dad got an iPod shuffle.
you'd have to know my dad to know why that is so funny.
and now it ends with me documenting it all. how could i not?
it's just been too great.
life is good.



Are you ever gonna know?
What it's really like for me?
and how it just happens to be?

Are you ever gonna know
why i act like i do
when i get the chance to be around you?

Are you ever gonna know
where my soul finds rest
after the constant searching of hopelessness?

Are you ever gonna know
how much you matter to me
after all these years of we?

Are you ever gonna know
when it could all start again
and we could halt all this pretend?

i wonder this a lot.
i can only believe
one day,
you will know.


reality is a lovely place, but i wouldn't wanna live there.

july 13. i'm ready for you.
and soon, very soon, we will be too.


we believe.

Does the journey seem long? we can still be strong
we can make it, we can find what's good
when truth's understood
we believe the promises the Lord makes are true
We believe He'll deliver us from all we go through
we believe and we seek everything lovely and pure
we believe, and we hope, and we will endure
all doubt has come to an end, for God is speaking again
He loves us, He sent us here.  The truth is so clear
we believe in prophets sent down to the earth
we believe God's filling the world with His word
we believe that His power's been given to men
we believe and we know His gospel again
and most of all we know the scriptures are true
the Son of God came down to rescue me and you
believing is the start, to feeling His love in our hearts
we believe in change in new life through His name
we believe in following Him all our days
we believe and have faith that He will change us within
we believe and we know, and we seek Him.

i know all of these words to be true. i am so grateful for experiences like youth conference where my testimony can grow and i can come closer to Him. i love this church, and everything about it. this song is so powerful, especially when a group of 40 youth sing it together and believe what they're singing. you better listen to it or print out the sheet music and play it on the piano. because it's definitely life changing, even if it's only the slightest.


"it's so fly, so dope, so swaggy. it's youth conference."

youth conference 2011 [B.O.O.T. camp] consisted of a little bit of this:

my first time doing baptisms at a different temple. Manti is gorgeous.

a lot of laughter from this lovely lady.

a deathly hike that nearly killed us. but the destination was worth it.

full fledged tears and floor rolling laughter just from the words
"and Jenkins said who is scratching at my lawn. and the ghost said ME!"

drivin' around in the above boy's truck emptyin trash cans into dumpsters
learnin' that not everyone in San Pete county is a hick.
having the slightest sliver of this dream come true.
new fav best friend? i think so.
we will meet again someday.

a slow-motion victory 3x.

deep talks on the deck. and more time as the three amigas.

a bonding moment with the sister.

many to die for quotes from these cool guys. more full fledged tears.

the biggest slumber party i've ever attended.

not pictured:

a shaft followed by an internal melt down.

a very needed reassured, confirmed testimony
along with agreement of other's.

a spontaneous nauseated night to start off a queasy day.

a lot of love from my amazing leaders.

a memorable experience not soon to be forgotten.


the sisterhood.

"There comes a point
in every friendship when you
stop becoming friends
and start becoming sisters."

(the cobin. fall 2009)

i am so grateful for this miraculous sisterhood.


no choice.

i've never chosen to "go into" photography.
photography chose me.
it's always been apart of me.
i have always seen the photographs around me.
yeah i guess, i have chosen to capture them.
but if i never did...
wait. scratch that.
there's no if about it.
it would have found me no matter what.
because it's just the way my brain is wired.
and for me, there's no denying it.
so instead,
i embrace it.


today is a special day for the tucker family.

it was like meeting a celebrity.  before then, he had only exsisted in photographs and letters.  now he was a real person standing in front of me.  while i was playing the role of poparazzi the realization came upon me, and it came hard.  i was starstruck.  and i wasn't anticipating my reaction.  i jumped for a hug and then the tears of shock but also excitement rolled down my cheeks.  it was a special moment. a unique experience. he is finally home, and it's as if he was never gone. 
welcome home Elder J.C. Tucker.  welcome home brother.

the first hug.

 the emotion on my dad's face here, gets to me.

"well done, thou good and faithful servant."
the Heavens must have been saying when i took this
because i did not photoshop that lense flair into the photograph. haha


the best of luck.

after that episode
i now feel the responsibility to egg Bentley's house
on the behalf of all women in America. 
my mom, sisters, and i are all disgusted by his scam.

mean while,
my dad comes dancin' in.
"i have a new favorite song." 
"oh no."
this was comin' from a guy who listens to Lady Gaga
to get pumped for his marathons.
"it goes: kiss me kiss me de de de de."
we all look at eachother with confused looks.
"i know you guys know it!"
and again he demonstrated the lyrics he remembered.
we still stood clueless.
later when he mentioned it again, it clicked. 
it was none other than the one and only Katy Perry song: E.T.
it's blasting through the computer speakers as i post,
on repeat none the less.
and it's got us all in here dancin'.

Craig, i apologize in advance.
it's become a little different around here since you've been gone.
i'm wishin' you the best of luck.


yet another score.

"There are no rules when it comes to love. I just try to let love suprise me because you never know who you are going to fall in love with. You never know who is going to come into your life - and for me, when i picture the person i end up with, i don't think about what their career is, or what they look like. I picture the feeling I get when I'm with them."
- Taylor Swift.

so yes i admit, i am a thief.
i did steal this from her. her blog is too lovely. 
but it was just so beautiful and perfect that i had to post it as well.
(& Taylor Swift just scored another point. she's at a solid 4 by now)


a tangled mess.

it was like sitting in a web, which fly was gonna be eaten next?  nobody knew.  the air was tense but nobody mentioned it.  nobody knew what was going on, yet whispers still traveled the deets.  ones that if you really took a step back from you would just kind of laugh about.  but at the same time it wasn't okay.  this was serious. we were all captured.  so we did our best to fix what we could. and who knows if it helped untie the knots to set us free. but hey, what could we do?


hmmm.. i guess every 16 year old goes through what i went through during the early days of being this lovely age. and i guess i didn't realized how much experience, if you would call it, i have gained in these past months. experience that i obtain over the others. i guess i've learned a lot. it doesn't scare me, neither am i worried about it. i trust myself to be cautious. but i'm also in it to have some fun and to have some special moments. i guess i've learned not to think so much about things, and kinda just go with the flow. what ever happens, happens. do what your heart desires, as cheesy as it sounds, it's true. follow your heart. like we said, this is high school. we only have 3 years of it, 1/30 of our lives. 1 year is already gone. so lets not waste any more time. lets not miss any more chances. i would say take the opportunity, if it arises. just know that i'm not someone who gives up on a friendship if i know it's real.
because sometimes friendships are bigger than highschool, so why let highschool get in the way?


ooh vintage.

because sometimes you just feel the need to.

oh the places you'll go.

i've never been to a graduation before, but i thought it was neat.
congrats class of 2011. & good luck!


an ode to summer.

this bucket list for summer 2011 has been in the making for a couple weeks now.  but i wanted to wait until the precise day it felt like summer officially arrived to post it. today is that day.  because yesterday i walked out of the high school as a sophomore for the last time.
so here it is: to summer of '11; may you be the best one yet. (:
  • main goal: toned, tan, fit & ready.
  • every morning go on a run that is fun. (did you notice the emphesis on fun?)
  • attend summer seminary every tuesday at 11 o'clock. excluding dates: June 21 & 28
  • do baptisms everyweek afterward
  • welcome home Elder Tucker from Roseville, California
  • go on his "special" outing he has planned for us
  • return to his mission as our 1st family vacation & meet his mission presidents.
  • go to youth conference
  • not take the ACT in June, but in August
  • go craaaazy at girls camp.
  • meet/see David Archuleta
  • watch his performance at Stadium of Fire
  • meet/see Adam Young (a.k.a. Owl City)
  • camp out to get floor seats to the concert
  • purchase All Things Bring and Beautiful
  • see princess lea and the sister in the strawberry days parade
  • tanning time every tuesday and thursday from noon-3 at kaylee's pool
  • learn to ride a unicycle (for real)
  • hang out in THE cul-de-sac
  • do some fireworks
  • go on some dates!
  • go to 7 peaks (with some hot guys)
  • ride some carnival rides
  • watch a rodeo in a plaid shirt
  • give a big surprise
  • get all my friends 16 years of age
  • go through the whale carwash
  • kiss a boy?
  • take one of my favorite photos yet
  • do some drivin'
  • go to the public library on pioneer day "realize" it's closed, then go to Iceburg for shakes instead
  • throw a huge water party
  • go on our triple date
  • complete my annual room deep cleaning
  • go to walmart buy what looks good then eat it at a picnic with the girls.
  • become best friends with them
  • send the other Elder Tucker away to Panama for 2 years.
  • run up (across) a mountain
  • camp with the cousins
  • drive in the middle of no where
  • live on my edge
  • eat a snow cone
  • eat ice cream from Sub Zero
  • go to a library regularly
  • read.
  • attend a Happy Potter marathon to watch all the movies before the last one comes out
  • see the ocean
  • watch "My Big Fat Greek Wedding" with Maren Ashley Brittany and Aubs
  • drink some Jones Soda
  • wear the bearded man shirt and go a date with Paco
  • run a 10k
  • read to study
  • go to Lagoon
  • play Hunter in a legit tennis match
  • do some photoshoots; especially with her.
  • read Our Heritage
  • go to one homecoming and two farewell talks.
  • draw with sidewalk chalk
  • start my new journal for Junior Year
  • make my "dance date" book
  • finish dad's running book
  • complete my SOPHOMORE journal
  • get the best chaco tan line yet
  • recieve my AP physics test score
  • play legit night games.
  • learn to play and sing a new song on the piano (maybe gravity by Sara Bareilles?)
  • buy a dress from here. and some mary jane heels to go with.
  • go on a day trip to Salt Lake using public transportation
  • find out who Ashley chooses
  • buy lemonade from little kids (a.k.a. make their day)
  • cook some dinners
  • attend a legit tea part (but minus the tea part)
  • swing, because it make you feel better
  • jam.
  • slip-n-slide
  • go to the manti pageant
  • buy lemonade mouth lemonade with jess
  • hot motorcycle ride.
  • find a legit photobooth
  • go on a tandom bike ride
  • eat some strawberrys-n-cream
  • enjoy shaved ice
  • make some new friends
  • redecorate my room with vintage
  • buy new running shorts and shoes
  • hike the G (maybe multiple times)
  • see cars 2
  • the next Harry Potter in theaters at midnight
  • climb a tree
  • go i n s a n e
  • go to a stake dance (just like the good ol' days)
  • driving party
  • watch the sunrise
  • attend the annual Cobin (not really, this year) trip with my beefies
  • bask in the sunshine on some nice grass
..most of all, have the time of my life (: