I dream of spending a day in a summer dress, lying on a picnic blanket on top of a grassy mountain with the horizon of a vast ocean in front of me.
In front of us.
I dream of being with someone I'm crazy about. Someone I can talk with for hours, on top of that mountain. Because it does not matter. There is not a care in the world. We are the only people on earth. Or as it feels infront of the horizon of the ocean. It stretches are far as my eyes can see. But I see more. I see my life. I see my future.
Our future together.
It feels warm. Warm like the sun's rays that fall across my face, that leaves a sparkle in my eye. Our eyes meet. He sees it too. He feels it as well. At that instant we know. We know that this is just the start.
Our life together is only beginning.
(Bruce de Moose, Golden Gate National recreation area, CA)
I say, It would be okay, becuase then I would be free. I say I'm joking. But am I really? I say, no to the question. I say I'm kidding. But am I really? I just don't know. My subconscience whispers it's the truth. But just can't bring myself to stop the games.
I've decided something. (Ironic, I know, from my last entry.) But when I ask someone "How are you?" and they answer with just the word "good" or ever better; "pretty good". Then they return the question: "How are you?" I answer "good". Now what the point of that conversation? It is small talk. Nothing was accomplished. So next time I ask someone how they are and they reply with just good. I'm going to ask why. "Why are you good? What is making your life good?" And maybe the conversation will accomplish something more than just small talk.
That was the only title I could come up with for this entry. It's the only thing that fits; the only thing that could start to explain. Explain how I feel today. I've very indecisive. Do I feel excited? No, I feel irritated. Am I bored? No, I've got too many things to do. Am I lonely? No, I'm completely content. Am I happy? No I'm disappointed. Am I distraught? No, I'm good. I can't decide.
Next week is a new semester, a new beginning. Which means this week, today, is the end of the old semester. It's kind of a bitter-sweet feeling. more bitter than sweet in my opinion. At least this time. I loved this semester. I loved my classes. I loved the teachers and students in them. I will miss it. A lot. But closing one door soon opens another.
Everything can change in an instance. One second the world has endless possibilities and the next it can be so specific, so defined. It's like on Christmas morning when a child has still yet to run down the stairs and learn what Santa Clause has brought her. That last minute on the stairs he could have brought her any thing. Anything could be awaiting around the corner. But the moment she walks around it, she knows. No longer are the possibilites endless but the defined truth is revealed. Or it's like a 19 year old opening his mission call. The moment before the soon-to-be elder opens the envelope he could go any where in the world to serve. But when he reads the location off the paper out loud. Everyone knows the specific place he will go.
One moment life can be normal, average. The next it can be absolutely extraordinary, complete bliss. Something really special. And amazing. And incredible. And outstanding. And brilliant. And enchanting. And flawless. And beautiful. And inspiring. And real. Leaving one completely speachless and breathless. With tears rollings down the cheeks. It's something that cannot be expressed with just the common language but rather felt with emotion from the language of the soul.
I sit here in my room. I have my new favorite CD playing on repeat. The sun has just set, turning the winter sky into a painting of pastel colors. I sit on my bed; drawing, seeing, listening. I have plenty of homework waiting to be done. But I continue to sit here. More time passes. The painting in the sky begins to fade. I have plenty of chores waiting to be done. But I continue to sit here; thinking, pondering, feeling. More time passes. The painting in the sky has almost disapperared. I don't want to leave this atmosphere. I just want to continue to sit here; thinking, pondering, feeling. But yet again my CD comes to an end. It is time to leave this moment. Bring my mind back home from wondering and focus.
Some people call it luck or coincidences. Some people say things jsut happen by chance. I believe none of this. Everything happens for a reason. Events happen and people come into our lives, for a reason. We have experiences that happen to us for a reason. What ever the reason may be, it's part of a plan for us. We may not know why, we may not understand at the time. But its for a reason. Al we need to do is trust and go with it. And everything will work out for our good, everything will turn out how it's suppose to be. And who knows whose life we'll change along the way.
Golden ideal moments.Constant laughing about pricelsess inside jokes.Reliving memories.Creating new ones.Feeling inspired.Capturing light.Sunshine rays.Good friends that have my back.Learning with passion.Harmonizing.Deep talks.Family.Daydreaming.Warm summer nights.Cozy rainy days.Feel good music.Cookies.Clean houses.Making people wonder.Making someones day.Free time.Sunsets and sunrises.Disney movies.Dances.When things make sense.Blasting the music and singing my heart out.A good cry.Feeling accomplished and complete.Growing older.Color.Being happy.Spending quality time.Putting my heart and soul into it.Knowing it's all true.Writing it down.Being recognized.Loving.Feeling.Looking at things differently.Creating.Being together.Smiling.Being in awe. . . Living my life.
"No amount of vintage dresses gives you dignity." -Taylor Swift
I think this is a very interesting statement, I like it. Whether it be vintage dresses or any other symbal of money or popularity; it's true. It doesn't matter! Because money and "popularity" don't supply dignity, respect, or character. The things that really are most important about people and life.