2013 in a nutshell.

i will be forever changed by the people i grew close to 
and the moments we shared in the past 365 days;
i couldn't be more grateful for the year 
that will always stand as a mile marker in my life.


my favorite part about christmas?
that we take the time to sing praises 
about the night our Savior entered the world.

my second favorite part about christmas is
the fact that it comes back every year.


happy december 25th.

(or december 26th, depending on which side of the globe you are currently residing on ;)


it's been real logan.

staying here an extra week after the semester ended was fun and all,
those ten inches of snow you threw at us in one night was quite an eventful surprise,
but now i'm grateful to be on my way home.
home for two weeks.  home for christmas.


joy to the world.

and maybe that's what it was like in the stable on the eve of that first christmas.
He came softly, quietly, and humbly
into the world.
to bring his sufficient grace and his slivers of peace 
to people that were broken and hurting
to people that needed something more to keep from falling apart.
to people that would call out His name,
people that would be patient and willing to listen for His subtle response.

they had to be working to see the sign of His come.
they had to seek Him, they had to come unto Him
to feel of His sweet glory and comforting affection.

the Lord is come,
sing in exultation, 
born is the king
Jesus Lord, at thy birth.

maybe that's what christmas has really meant all along.

a sliver.

you're screaming, drowning, helplessly calling.
you feel frustrated, confused.
your thoughts and vision a tangled mess.
your passionate heart stepped on
and stomped upon.
the insides of your cheeks chewed from worry.
you hold your breath,
under your skin is blue and bruised.
weeks of sub-conscience abuse 
rise to the surface.
doubt and giving up come frequently.
nothing can cure.

He allows you to suffer.
as long as you can bare,
He lets you be pushed to your limits,
to the edge of your breaking point,
to where you can't take it any longer.

and then

 He brings peace.

it may come in just a sliver,
sometimes He does it that way.
but it comes--
you feel it shimmer again.
and that sliver may be all that is needed
to lift up your tired eyes
and work up the bravery
to take a little, tiny step in 
the direction of progression.


words from the wise.

if in the things you are doing, 
you aren't doing them very good--
give yourself a break,

at least you're doing them.


ever so quietly.

in the past
my trialed times can be noted by the number of blog posts i write per month.
the more emotional stress. the higher the number of posts
through the years, it's been a trend i've seen in this little corner of the internet i call mine.
but lately that hasn't been the case. 
i've been silently suffering,
with only seven posts in nineteen days.

tonight, the light snow fall helped. i think it's peaceful.



places are created by the people that reside in them.
and when people are missing,
it feels like a completely different place.



i'm learning that places aren't stagnate.
neither are song melodies.
they have to be allowed to change and grow along side us
because they evolve and hold new meaning just as our lives do in time.


here's my schpill.

i'm sorry but,
twitter isn't a journal or somewhere to post life goals,
fitness doesn't come from pinning photos of athletic girls on pinterest,
and instagram accounts are rarely true of what real life looks like.

i'm sorry to say but social media and hollywood skew society's view of reality.

real life is about doing hard things, getting up early and being there on time, consistency, getting knocked down and feeling low, paying a lot of money for tuition, and gas, and groceries, and for a place to live.  It's about patience and waiting, doing what you're told, things not always going your way, fighting internal struggles, learning to be comfortable with yourself, working hard for something you really want, doing things out of your comfort zone, being in pain to feel strong, getting things done.  it's about making it through extreme stress and pressure of a semester of college and finals only to realize you have to start it all over again come three weeks, then four more times after that for the next three years.  real life is a place where granite counter tops are a luxury and so are new clothes and expensive trips.  a place where time to make your life appear perfect on social media is not a necessity.  happiness doesn't come from freedom of responsibility or a prince charming that sweeps you off your feet..  happiness comes as a reward and self-satisfaction in hard work.  happiness comes from gratitude in the daily simple things and the good people that have been placed around you.  but mostly, happiness comes from a relationship with God.

so here i am, ranting about this on nothing other than a form of social media itself.  how appropriate. 
but honestly people, let's try to keep things a bit more real, in all we do.


driving home alone.

Spend all your time waiting
For that second chance
For a break that would make it okay
There's always some reason
To feel not good enough
And it's hard at the end of the day
I need some distraction
Oh beautiful release
Memories seep from my veins
Let me be empty
Oh and weightless and maybe
I'll find some peace tonight
In the arms of the angel
Fly away from here
From this dark cold hotel room
And the endlessness that you fear
You are pulled from the wreckage
Of your silent reverie
You're in the arms of the angel
May you find some comfort here
So tired of the straight line
And everywhere you turn
There's vultures and thieves at your back
The storm keeps on twisting
Keep on building the lies
That you make up for all that you lack
It don't make no difference
Escaping one last time
It's easier to believe
In this sweet madness
Oh this glorious sadness
That brings me to my knees
In the arms of the angel
Fly away from here
From this dark cold hotel room
And the endlessness that you fear
You are pulled from the wreckage
Of your silent reverie
In the arms of the angel
May you find some comfort here
You're in the arms of the angel
May you find some comfort here

--angel, sarah  mclachlan

wrapping up dead week.

there's so so many thoughts, worries, anxiety, hope, dreams, and wishes 
constantly on my mind. 
and due to living, I've gotten behind in documenting them here.
i guess the paper versions on my shelf will have to suffice.
college is intense, life can be critical and i've been working to the max of my capabilities
wondering if that is even enough. 
lately it seems like the days blur together
and things are so drab.
the cold doesn't help.
  but i still find time to go to the temple
and i still do have phenomenal, entertaining roommates and best friends 
that communicate via snap chat and record videos of the priceless moments.
it's because of them that I haven't dropped completely dead yet.


take it.

when life throws an unexpected opportunity at you
be brave enough to take it.
often time, great opportunities look like work.


a college dorm christmas

A single strand of lights, a mini evergreen tree, paper snow flakes, soft familiar melodies, and a you-tube video of a crackling fire place. This is Christmas in a college dorm. None the less it still makes our apartment cozy and the looming finals week doesn't seem as bad.