having hope, in it's self, can be hopeless.


halloween: when it's socially acceptable to go out in public like this.

let's just say we're creeps-in-crime. it's okay to be jealous.

(this happened to me today.)


i love today.

change is soon to come. big change. and when i say soon i mean
in 7 terms, 13 school dances, 3.5 semesters, 2 christmas's, 1 summer, 1 birthday.
we will be scattered.

tonight, i walked the halls of my elementary school. i relived the moments i was there. it was only a short decade ago that they started. an even shorter half-decade that they closed. 
where have i come since then?

taking a glance backward causes realiztion to set in when turned forward again.

in another short half-decade where will i be?

thinking of that crackling day when graduation will push us in different directions is unbearable at this point. but, with each passing moment we get closer. i don't want to waste them away wishing for better ones.
so i'm not going to any more.

i love today.

i love that i got to spend my lunch listening to a history teacher bare his testimony.
i love that i got to attend a field trip on a school bus this morning.
i love that when i came home from school, i played a piano.
i love that i got to spend the evening talking with core friends.
i love that the sun rays just before sunset were golden.
i love that i recognized that.
i love that i get to be overwhelmed with a new aspect of calculus every b1.
i love that i get to wake up before the crack of dawn and walk through the past chilly air, just to feel the relief of walking in the warm school doors.
i love that i get to project most of my hours and efforts into that place.
i love that i get to dress up for halloween this weekend and party.
i love that anytime i get in my car i can plug in my tunes and drive anywhere i want.
i love that i get to run everyday with a team. on a canal at that.
i love that i walked around asking for donations for an expensive choir tour coming up and a Nike race even sooner.
i love that sadies hawkin's is suddenly two weeks away and pereference will soon follow.
i love all things i have on my to-do list that stress me out.
i love that i still have my senior prom to look forward to.
i love the fact that i don't know who i will marry.

i love that i can imagine my dreams and
i can make anything happen if i want it to.
i love that my future is unlimited and open.

because soon, it feels so soon,
it will slip through my regretful grasp and i will want it back. i know i will.

 i am loving it today instead of loving it when it's gone,
because then the love will only hurt.



(these are just the one's i've created.  check out all the other ones i believe on my pinterest.")


we're creeps. it's fine.


this is the world and how it is;

paint chips
realtionships fade
sidewalk cracks
flowers die
highways are littered
memories are forgotten
values decay
credit card numbers are stolen
color disappears
dust accumulates
people suffer.

but because of it,
people can rise above their trials
and look past the despair 
to accomplish things even greater
than they could have other wise.

“although the world is full of suffering, it is also full of the overcoming of it.”
-Helen Keller


when your dreaming with a broken heart; the giving up is the hardest part.

if things arn't going the way you'd like.
you need to change your expectation of things.

it's just disappointing when things resort to this.


"This life is what you make it. No matter what, you're going to mess up sometimes, it's a universal truth. But the good part is you get to decide how you're going to mess it up. Girls will be your friends- They'll act like it anyway. But just remember, some come, some go. The ones that stay with you through everything- they're your true best friends. Don't let go of them. Also remember, sisters make the best friends in the world. As for lovers, well, they'll come and go too. And baby, I hate to say it, most of them- actually pretty much all of them are going to break your heart, but you can't give up because if you give up, you'll never find your soul mate. You'll never find that half who makes you whole; and that goes for everything. Just because you fail once, doesn't mean you're gonna fail at everything.
Keep trying, hold on, and always, always, always believe in yourself, because if you don't, then who will, sweetie? So keep your head high, keep your chin up, and most importantly, keep smiling, because life's a beautiful thing and there's so much to smile about." 
-Marilyn Monroe

thanks marilyn, i needed that.

it's now fact.

laughter is the best cure known to man.


though poppies grow.

--my flanders field.
high school isn't real, i've learned.
sometimes you have to be fake.
so please excuse me for acting otherwise.


a broken heart; a contrite spirit.



   you know that one boy
who has sculpted features and nice eyes; you noticed him right off the bat
and now slowly, ever so slightly, he is maybe noticing you?

yeah, that one guy   
who's every move is documented very carefully
so you can recite it back to your best friends/secret agents in disquise?
(Every action has clues hidden within.)

   yeah, him
who you try to talk to whenever you get the chance
and if you do. it leaves your heart thumping and your mind racing for words to say.
The butterflies arrive and afterward, they stay for awhile.  the world looks beautiful again.

so today,
He called my name across a parking lot
just to say "hey! how are you?"

let's just say,
my day was very well made.



the soul
is complex.
it's here that
i try to define

mine has.

i am constantly
                           n e w  d e t a i l s.

a cycle.

i seem to go through one every now and again.
right now i'm kind of at a point where i don't quite feel myself
and things are slightly different than they were before. 
maybe it's the change in weather. maybe it's not.
it causes a slight pain. my soul cringes to adjust once more.
it longs for the past.
it yearns for the future.
in order
to find it's self,
in the present.


i would have to agree.
maybe soon i'll paint a picture.


"our greatest need is to remember"

i love the feeling of knowing i just spent 1/8th of my day starring at a computer monitor typing letters into a word document.  but it's worth it because the letters, words, and sentences came together to create a complete and very pleasing essay. remember this? it was the core of my ideas, basically the whole thing.  hooray for a blog of where i write my opinions and thoughts.  they come in handy during a moment of english honors crunch time.