God does answer prayer. directly.

every detail is precisely being worked out.

things come and go.

opportunity arises.

and this one couldn't have come at a more

perfect time.

the feeling sounds like this.

rotation.

i hope you can focus on the other things you needed to be focusing on

because i know for me i havn't been able to focus on much of anything

but the conversation when you established just that.

just to get away.

 running from here:

to here:

and back.

//

after spending a week in southern california,

i realize what beauty we have in this state; in this valley.

i wouldn't switch it for anything.

conversation

is time's biggest thief and the mind's largest occuppier.

ten reasons why i love disneyland.

1.  the happy workers

2.  the shrubbery

3.  fast passes

4.  the bathroom stall creativity

5.  all the little trinkets in all the little shops

6.  it's the only place in this country that uses a different money system other than american currency

7.  the details and the effort put into them

8.  the cleanliness

9. it has streets named because of it

10. it has sparkly cake

the ocean.

i can feel her approach.
her sweet sense of caress fulfills my soul's longing to be cared for. 
it's refreshing.
her wonder amazes my mind.  why is her visit so therapuetic?
maybe it's the sense of connection between you and the earth.
realization that you are still you, no matter what anybody says or does.
and it sets you free.

an evening on the water.

the sun's rays illuminating; hitting every cut of crystal. 

sending sparkle throughout the room.

the sun says goodbye and the night comes alive. 

colored lights glimmer across the water.

a serene peace spreads across the surface. 

a slight breeze brushes my face.

cold or clamy it may have been;

i remember it fresh because of the state of my soul.

i felt freed.

that melancholy moment when you take a longer walk down memory lane than you can handle.

choir tour is finally, finally here.

i've got to be happy.
i'm going to the happiest place on earth.
see you guys all later!

'nough said.

and run.

I’m making all my own plans,
Throwing all my old ones away.
Gonna grow up, Be someone.
Draw a map, find a path.
Take a breath and run.
And run.

-he is we.

running really is empowering. 
especially when you feel enraged.

regression.

it's like we're back to square one.

did the past four months even happen?

from here on out i am a machine.
work.
think.
do.
with out any defects.

desolate.

everytime i begin to live a little bit for someone else,

they end up letting me down and i'm left with nothing.

we gonna party like, like it's two-thousand and twelve.

well it is two-thousand and twelve.

and guess what? that very line caused my world to end; from the beginning.

sinking.

what a very appropiate way to celebrate the 100th year of the sinking of the Titanic.

11:50 April 14th 1912 - the titanic sank

11:50 April 14th 2012 - my heart sank

true story.

in that moment we held eachother close.

we both knew, knew that when that moment was over and we let go,

we'd be letting go of much, much more.

i heard the titan pull away; it dragged a piece of me with it.

all i wanted to do was call him back.  tell him don't go. 

don't change how its been. don't leave me with the void of not having you.

but i couldn't.
because thats contradictory to what we're suppose to do.

so a piece of my heart cracked that night. 

replaying the memories was unbearable. the thought of them no more was agonizing.

i felt the pain echo through out my bones

until tears streaked my face. 

but it wasn't his fault.  he still cares about me. 

it's just what happens, i guess, when you let someone handle something

so fragile for a while and then fate decides to step in. 

we're still going to be friends.  he is still going to be in my life.

i don't know how it's going to work.  but i have to believe that it will. 

it's the only way i can be okay right now.

sometimes your mind keeps racing and it won't slow down for anything.

especially sleep.

st jeezy adventures!

//  girls trip . spring break 2012

cheerio.

[broken hearted - Karmin]

This is more than a typical kinda thing
Felt the jones in my bones when you were touching me, oh oh
Didn't want to take it slow
In a daze, going crazed, I can barely think
You're replaying in my brain, find it hard to sleep, oh oh
Waiting for my phone to blow

Now i'm here in a sticky situation
Got a little trouble, yep and now I'm pacin'
Five minutes, ten minutes, now it's been an hour
Don't wanna think too hard, but I'm sour
Oh oh, I can't seem to let you go

See I've been waiting all day
For you to call me baby
So let's get up, let's get on it
Don't you leave me broken hearted tonight
Come on, that's right
Honest baby I'll do
Anything you want to
So can we finish what we started
Don't you leave me broken hearted tonight Come on, that's right, cheerio

Oh yeah
Had me up, had me down, turn me inside out
That's enough, hold me up
Maybe I'm in doubt, oh oh
Now don't even think you know, no no

See I've been waiting all day
For you to call me baby
So let's get up, let's get on it
Don't you leave me broken hearted tonight
Come on, that's right
Honest baby I'll do
Anything you want to
So can we finish what we started
Don't you leave me broken hearted tonight
Come on, that's right, cheerio

Anything you wanna do, I'll be on it too
Everything you say, it's like a gold with a view
Business on the front, party in the back
Maybe I was wrong, was the outfit really wack
This kinda thing doesn't happen usually
I'm on the opposite side of it, truthfully
I know you want it so come and get it, cheerio

See I've been waiting all day
For you to call me baby
So let's get up, let's get on it
Don't you leave me broken hearted tonight
ohhhohohhhoohhhh
Honest baby I'll do
Anything you want to
So can we finish what we started
Don't you leave me broken hearted tonight
Come on, that's right, cheeri, cheeri, cheerio

When you gonna call
Don't leave me broken hearted
I've been waiting up
Let's finish what we started, oh oh
I can't seem to let you go
Come on, that's right, cheerio, uh!


// just a jam from this weeks girl's trip :)

the unluckiest moment of my life.

i'm not usually one for hate and grudges
but today the world showed me these possibilities.


let's put it this way,
i was shopping and i found the cutest shirt. just what i've been looking for. perfection, definitely pinterest worthy.  i put it out at the front of the dressing room so i could take in my next bunch of clothes to try on.  (oh i also officially hate that system in clothing store fitting rooms: only 6 items at a time)  when i was finished, i started gathering the clothes i was going to buy.  i then realized i didn't have that one favorite shirt.  i panicked. me and my crew started searching for it frantically.  the girl working the dressing room was being kinda sketchy. no help at all.  after quite some time i was about to give up but i decided to make one more round through the store to see if i could find it.  
thats when i spotted her.  that lady.  she had my shirt.  my eyes narrowed. 
i asked her, "where did you find that?" 
"oh i found it in the dressing room, the girl said it was just left there."
"oh, i was the one who left it, and i was going to buy it."
"oh i'm going to buy it. sorry about that." 
i walked away almost in tears.
i wanted that shirt. i wanted it bad.
my crew had my back by trying to see if we could get it back.
but that lady would not let it out of her grasp.
i left the store raged.

i hope karma smacks that lady in the face. 

she was old and that shirt was mine.

and every time she wears it i hope she feels bad.

eggs.

2012  //  happy easter!

a year.

it's a wonderous thing;

how time has passed and

the clock really has gone full circle.

pink.

discernment.

time is being robbed from me.

task is a boastful thief.

 

it leaves pieces of my soul astray;

unkempt and cluttered.

entangled with foreign thought and feeling.

 

you see, this varies from time to time

as time its self slips by too fast

and i do not have a handle.

 

 

i long to reach through the obscure, push past the commotion

and find my grasp; to discern the light.

 

for me, it requires images, and often words to accompany.

 

 

-the most beautiful thing about the future:

it hasn't happened yet-